Put the self-back into self-control

I hate talking about self-control. And until recently, I felt justified due to the research and my clinical work. Unfortunately, most of my clients, and probably you, do want to discuss it. So, today we will discuss what self-control is, how to develop it, and why I changed my mind on it.

“I don’t want to feel this way. So, I want to get rid of this feeling.”

Unfortunately, suppressing emotions via control strategies leads to worse mental health and performance. Similarly, ADHDers and other neurodivergents often struggle with emotions and want to control it. Yet, learning to work with your neurotype tends to be more helpful than working against one’s biology. Therefore, I felt strongly about never giving in to silly notions of wanting self-control.

Yet, as I reflect on my life, I realize I suck at self-control, so I hide behind a veneer of professionalism here. I frequently let my impulses be my guide. I abandon my diet for the tasty treat in front of me. I get online when I know it will just lead me down the wrong path. And if I look at my unfinished goals and disappointments, self-control gets in the way of my goals.

So, I’m starting on a quest to increase this stat in my life. Honestly, it probably will never be my highest skill, but improvements can help. This is what I want for you. To see self-control as a skill you can build when used flexibly can increase many points of your life.

The science of self-control

Self-control is the process of pursuing value-guided behavior when competing responses occur.

Originally, in the literature, self-control was conceptualized as strength as in Walter Mischel’s Marshmellow test. According to this strength model, self-control is a finite resource that moderates effortful control over the dominant response. Once expended, it leads to impaired self-control task performance, known as ego depletion.

Yet, current research on self-control indicates it’s a skill of inhibitory control. Self-control is a filter. It’s the ability to regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses.

It's been postulated that self-control relies on a delicate interplay between our frontal cortex and the limbic system. Specifically, the prefrontal cortex, known for its role in planning and decision-making, appears crucial. This region likely enables us to comprehend the worth of patience, opting for a delayed yet more fulfilling outcome. Intriguingly, individuals grappling with addiction, like methamphetamine or heroin, exhibit diminished prefrontal cortex activity. This could signify a challenge in appreciating the long-term benefits, such as breaking free from substance dependence.

6 principles impacting self-control

Self-control is a skill

You aren’t born with self-control. It’s not a moral gene or emotion. It’s a skill you can learn. Some will learn it easier than others due to their biology and background. Others of us will struggle with it, yet any improvements render performance gains.

Self-control depends on what’s going on around you

Biology, motivation, support, and environment impact self-control. So even you are the one practicing self-control, it’s based on your connection to the world. Imagine your goal is to walk a tightrope. Then imagine the earth is shaking, people are watching, and your bladder is full. Your primary goal is the same. But the things you must inhibit are higher. And the skill is harder to do.

Self-control is Type 2 Fun

Our brain burns through resources when inhibiting tons of things to focus. It’s exhausting. It’s difficult. But in the end, it’s worth it. In the outdoor recreation world, we call this Type 2 fun - tasks that are only fun in retrospect. Type 2 Fun tasks challenge the practitioner to test their limits and grow. This is what self-control is.

Self-control feels good, often only in retrospect.

Frequently, we evaluate our performance based on how we feel about it. High self-control tasks often make you feel terrible. You evaluate your performance in kind. If you evaluate your work based on objective findings, task completion, etc., you will better measure your performance.

Self-control is a valued living, not a character flaw

Most professional athletes start as undisciplined children. They don’t become masters because they have some internal strength from birth. They develop it over time through lots of training. Self-control is about minute-by-minute living out one’s values.

Self-control, at its core, is willingness

This is the hardest one for me as a self-confessed, poorly self-controlled dude. Self-control is about willingness rather than inability. Self-control requires planning, focus, and dedication to the process. And many of us have it, yet are unwilling to experience the pain to apply it.

Tools to increase self-control

Mindsets to practice

• Understand self-control as a reward-based choice, and you’re always choosing

• Willingness to apply self-control when it’s hard

Practices to increase self-control

Delay gratification

It’s so easy to go for the cookie after you did something well and call it “self-care.” Yet, the more we reward ourselves based on results rather than focusing on the effort as the reward we strengthen the pathway. Delaying gratification is key to self-control.

Activate your “no go”

The go/no go task is an inhibition test highly predictive of your self-control. The more you can stop, the better your control is. You have urges to take action all the time. Each of these is an opportunity to practice your “no-go”

Stick to the plan

I often feel the urge to improvise halfway through a planned gym routine. Forcing yourself to complete the three sets of push-ups you planned exercises, your no-go circuits and your arms. Follow your plan and increase your self-control.

Don't grab your phone.

The urge to connect to the rest of the world is strong. You may reach for first thing in the morning or right after an activity.

Breathe, stop, try anything else.

The smartphone itself is designed to steal your attention. Learning to be apart from it helps you.

Work in blocks (and actually work in them)

The hardest thing to do for many of us is keep your butt in the chair, at least attempting to be productive. This includes stopping yourself from making that cup of coffee or scrolling for kitten pictures when you get bored, which helps keep your no-go circuits strong.

Structure your feeding

A feeding plan increases self-control. Having a healthy relationship with food means noticing the craving and following your plan. Delaying a bit of food you're craving for a few minutes can be a way to exercise your no-go function.*

*If you struggle with eating, many professionals can help you.

Meditation

Any kind of mindfulness practice counts. But also simply noticing urges and labeling them as you go is a type of every-moment mindfulness that can help you.

Bibliography:

Bermúdez, J. P. (2021). The skill of self-control. Synthese, 199(3-4), 6251-6273. doi.org/10.1007/s11229-021-03068-w

Berkman, E. T., Hutcherson, C. A., Livingston, J. L., Kahn, L. E., & Inzlicht, M. (2017). Self-Control as Value-Based Choice.Current Directions in Psychological Science, 26(5), 422. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721417704394 

Englert, C., Dziuba, A., Wolff, W., & Giboin, L. (2021). An investigation of the effects of self-reported self-control strength on shooting performance. Psychology of Sport and Exercise, 52, 101839. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychsport.2020.101839

Forestier, C., de Chanaleilles, M., Boisgontier, M. P., & Chalabaev, A. (2022). From ego depletion to self-control fatigue: A review of criticisms along with new perspectives for the investigation and replication of a multicomponent phenomenon. Motivation Science, 8(1), 19–32. https://doi.org/10.1037/mot0000262 

Hagger M. S., Wood C., Stiff C., Chatzisarantis N. L. D. (2010). Ego depletion and the strength model of self-control: A meta-analysis. Psychol. Bull. 136 495–525. 10.1037/a0019486

Timme, S., Wolff, W., Englert, C., & Brand, R. (2022). Tracking Self-Control – Task Performance and Pupil Size in a Go/No-Go Inhibition Task.Frontiers in Psychology, 13. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2022.915016