When you don't know what path to take

“Your husband has frontotemporal dementia”

My mentor said those words and then out of the room. Frontotemporal dementia (FTD) is a rare, devastating type of brain disease with an average onset between 40-65. It impacts the social centers of the brain first. They become impulsive, apathetic, or compulsive during a time when their families are squeezed by children and aging parents. There is no cure. One’s job is to diagnose and to research. His job was done.

But this woman was left alone with her world in pieces. She was a mid 40s old woman with teenage children. Her husband was only 47. “How is this possible?” She repeated.

There I was stuck between two paths. One path led out the door toward the diagnostician and research full of its knowledge, procedures, and “professional distance” - not to mention it’s nice reimbursement pathway. Another led closer to the suffering, diving deeper with this woman into an unknown path.

What is most important to me? What drives me? Knowledge/Esteem or Connection/Purpose.

This moment changed my path. I chose to stay with her. My path changed for the better because I started choosing things based on what makes me come alive.

Living by one’s real values makes each moment matter. You are connected to something bigger than yourself.

_______________________________________________________

Psychology Concept of the Week

Values in ACT are embedded qualities that describe how you experience the world when you are lives. Values aren’t feelings. Values aren’t rules. They aren’t ideologies. In fact values shouldn’t be nouns. They are verbs or adverbs. They give actions meaning.

Wilson, K. G., Whiteman, K., & Bordieri, M. (2013). The pragmatic truth criterion and values in contextual behavioral science

Wilson, K. G., & Murrell, A. R. (2004). Values work in acceptance and commitment therapy. Mindfulness and acceptance: Expanding the cognitive-behavioral tradition, 120-151

_______________________________________________________

Practice

How to Find one’s Values

1: Contact with qualities of being a you/first

2: Hold stories lightly about how life/work should be and who you are

3: Find and savor what makes you feel in this moment

4: Embrace discomfort and failure – learning happens by trial and error

5. Practice each moment as an opportunity to care and learn about you

Thanks for joining with me on the this path.
I hope you have a wonderful day

-Drew